I'm back in Ohio, helping to settle my grandmother's estate/house. Seems there's just enough minutes in the day to get everything done that needs done.... I've literally fallen into bed the last few nights, exhausted.
Grandmother is in the nursing home; she has her days, some good, some not so good. Dementia is beginning to rear its ugly head. I hate it. There is nothing sadder than to see a feisty, stubborn and headstrong woman become someone you no longer know. Oh sure, there have been times over the course of all our lifetimes that we've wanted to rip her head off in frustration and sheer aggravation at how difficult she could make everyone's life, especially after grandfather died.
But you know what? When it comes right down to it, for all her sarcasm and tartness and loose lips and yes, occasionally her meanness, she's family. I mean, c'mon, there's not one of us who's perfect. We all have our faults and defects, our little quirks that irritate other family members to the nth degree! But my gramma is OLD family...93 years of history, 93 years of knowledge, 93 years of laughter and tears, of happiness and sadness. The last standing member of a generation soon to be lost forever.
How hard it is to clear out all the kitty and dog figurines, all the silly flower pillows and bird pillows, all the movies and CDs, family photos, her clothes and beloved jewelry, her furniture, the donkey statue in the backyard that us kids "rode" when we were just toddlers.... so many memories and what can you do with all those concrete pieces of memory? One person just can't feasibly hang onto the entire contents of another family member's house, especially 62 years worth.
And so it is with sad hearts that many things are relinquished - to be sold, to be donated, to be *gasp* trashed.
Imagine. Someday. It happens to all of us. Our treasures are usually only OUR treasures. Our treasures become someone else's headache.
Just another reminder that it's all STUFF. A reminder to make the most of everyday, to hug those you love.. especially your dogs! *grin*
{I must apologize for the lack of photos here.... I neglected to bring my card reader. Duh.}
How true. I remember after my grandmother had passed away; all her belongings were split up. It was hard to see it all 'scattered in the wind'. But in the end, it really is just stuff; it's my memories of her and the love she gave me that matter most.
ReplyDelete~Andrea~
I always wonder what we will do with all my grandmother's stuff when she passes away. She is a major pack rat!
ReplyDeleteBeen there, done that, and trashed the T-shirts! It was very hard, so I offer my sympathy to you. And it was also a great lesson to begin sorting through all the stuff I've collected over the years so some poor soul doesn't have to!
ReplyDeleteMy siblings (mostly one sister) and I have been going through the exact same thing with our mother (age 75). Your story sounds so like mine that it's scary. Yet I know that so many others experience this too. I hope that you can rest soon!
ReplyDeletePick one nice thing to remember... the rest is just stuff, and the more you save, teh less each piece means...
ReplyDeleteSad about your family... Good thoughts your way
Hope you get it all worked through. I am going to Iowa in May to visit my grandma. She will be 89 this summer, but doing very well.
ReplyDeleteHope your Grandma does good in the nursing home. Email me photogablog@gmail.com and let me know what part of Ohio...would be cool to meet you!!
Sorry to hear about your Grandmother going in the nursing home. I have been through some of the same stuff. My Brother passed away and my mom kept all of his stuff then my father ,so when mom passed on it was ALOT OF STUFF. Most of it was given away to family and the clothes was donated to a school that had just started a new drama club and had nothing they had a blast with it and 3 years later is still using it GOOD LUCK!!!
ReplyDeleteI have all this to look forward to with my parents-my grandparents are long gone. I totally agree-it's just STUFF and like a Year on the Grill said, pick one or two of your favorite pieces. The memories, good and bad are what needs to be held on to.
ReplyDeleteBlessings to you and to your grandma, I hope she does well in the home.
Chester's Mom ;0-)
I've been there, too, and the walk down memory lane does get dusty! I've heard a method that I like and may use myself when getting ready for old-age (I'll be 62 next month)...take a photo of the anything that has a special memory, and then head the object on down the road.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a sad moment for your family, and I am so very sorry.
ReplyDeleteWe have just recently gone through the final phase with my Mother In Law, Rose. But we had to clear her lifetime of treasures away, for the second time, over 10 years ago. She had originally moved into a nursing home, and everything she owned from her house was in storage.
It's sad, and difficult to go through someone else's lifetime collection, deciding what to do with each and every piece.
Keep those good memories of you Grandmother close to your heart. Somewhere in there, deep, she still knows that you love her.
Jen
My sympathy to you, I know how difficult cleaning out Grandma's house can be. My grandmother saved us a lot of work and had already cleaned out much of her house when she knew the time was near. My mother ended up with everything else in her garage. It's been 15 years and she still can't part with anything. Every once in a while I will convince her to let me throw a few things out. At this rate we might get through all of it by 2030. Take care and I hope you get home soon for some rest.
ReplyDeleteMy sweet nana was diagnosed with Alz. last year. It happened so quick-that is the scary part. Our saving grace is that she has lived with my parents for the last 15 years in her own apt. Now they are constanly having to check on her etc. She just started going to a daycare program that she seems to like. It gives my parents a break, too.
ReplyDeleteI call her a couple times a week. Some days are better than others. The saddest is when she asks where J and I live. Oh, that breaks my heart...
My thoughts are with you, Susan. I know you probably feel like your soul is being drained.
xo, misha
I have been worried about you!! I am so sorry to hear the tough times, your post brought me to tears! You are so right about how much history lies within her generation and most don't live to her age...I have 1 granny left and I cherish her, she is the rock of our family and we would be lost without her! With much hope and praying I hope to have her as long as you've had your grandma.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts and prayers are with you Susan and your family...
It is hard.....my father in law has dimentia...and every day is anew adventure...
ReplyDeleteI read so many blogs with a loved one with dementia it is unbelievable. I adjust my thinking and know that some day that will be probably. I hope someone kind will be taking care of me then like so many are doing now. You are earning your reward by being so good to your grandma and I salute you for it.
ReplyDeleteAw, honey, I wondered if something had happened with your grandmother. I kept meaning to email you, but I wasn't sure if I would be intruding. I know this is a particularly stressful time for you. Hang in there. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteHugs to you while you do what needs to be done. I know it's hard.
ReplyDeleteIt's a hard, hard thing to do ... to throw out those things that meant something to a loved one. I'm so sorry your grandma is slipping.
ReplyDelete[Hugs]
I'm glad the sun is shining in Ohio today. Thoughts are with you
ReplyDeleteGosh, this sounds like a difficult time for you. I'm glad you are able to be there to do what needs done but I'm sorry it is in such sad circumstances. I'm new to your blog. I'll be back.
ReplyDeleteI love this post - not for the sadness, but for the message. I've moved twenty some odd times now, so I hear you about stuff!
ReplyDeleteIt's such a hard thing to see this happen. We're dealin' with three aging parents and it's hard. I know when I have accepted something from a loved one's estate I've made sure it is something I treasure. I've also tried to keep my things to a minimum so everything will be easier for my kids to deal with. 'Can't help myself...it's the clean freak in me. Heeheeheh!
ReplyDeleteGod bless ya and take care, my heart and prayers are with ya.
Sorry to hear about your grandma. And, it is a great reminder--all that stuff.
ReplyDeletetoo true - we borrow our lives and our friends and our possessions for such a short time
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about your Grandma..dementia is so unfair..a thief.
ReplyDeleteThe stuff..we all have too much..this is a good reminder for me to get rid of some more...so there isn't so much for someone else to go through. What we view as treasures are not viewed that way by everyone..and you can't take it with you when you depart this earth. Hug your Grandma tight! :)
This post is seriously eerie-My great aunt who was ALL the things you described your grandmother (feisty, stubborn, headstrong, occasionally a tad bit mean, wanting to rip her head off, etc) who was also 93 years old and who had Alzheimer's and dementia recently passed away the beginning of March.
ReplyDeleteI totally relate to the situation because we are now JUST getting to go through her things and it's extremely hard.
You hang in there-If your Grandma is anything like my great Aunt, she's one HELL of a fighter!!
Oh yes! Must hug the dogs. Unconditional love from them always and I hug mine multiple times a day or they cry. Seriously... Handsome cries, especially at bedtime. Gotta love a sensitive mutt.
ReplyDeleteDi
The Blue Ridge Gal
I know that was hard for you and something we'll all have to do but no one wants to deal with the likes. HUG your loved ones really really tight. :)
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about this a lot lately too. The last thing I want to do is saddle my son with tons of stuff he won't want to keep...I'd be happy with a lot less...It is wonderful that you have such great respect for your grandmother...
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